Living Life in Limbo
Me photographing a severe-warned storm in Pennsylvania on March 22nd, 2026. Fun local-ish chase with friends Erik, Josh, and Zach!
Times of transition are not easy. Sometimes they are welcomed, like graduations, while others are not, like a death in the family. Both have natural progressions that ease into the new normal that you ultimately end up in.
But what if that transitional state is indefinite with no clear timeline? In limbo, if you will.
That’s the state I’ve been in for the past five months: Limbo.
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In January, I finally came to grips that I could not continue the way I was operating for the past 18 months without serious damage to my mental, physical, and even financial health. Things had to change and I was ready to seek new opportunities. This, in hindsight, opened a whole new can of worms. Limbo is not enjoyable in the slightest, defined by a state of perpetual anxiety. You’d think coming to the acceptance of things not panning out the way you envisioned would be the hardest part when in fact that is just the opening stage of rock bottom.
Crawling back out from the hole you dug yourself was going to require serious effort.
Naturally, I’ve always been inclined to let my work speak for itself. I don’t have that salesman mentality in my body, so the prototypical YouTube call-to-actions (Like and Subscribe!!) or promotional materials (short-form content from the video, for example) were not something I was a fan of doing. It felt like shilling to me, when in reality, it’s just advertising the work. Flash forward to now, where I’m forced to put myself out there and advertise my skillset, which is against my typical nature. Sure, you can let a portfolio do the talking, but you need the initial elevator pitch to an unfamiliar party to even entertain the body of work. All of this is to say putting myself out there the way I have been over the past few months is not a state I’m comfortable in. I know I have skills and can communicate how they’d be useful to an organization, but to do that so publicly is uncomfortable. Regardless, I have to do it if I’m to find a new opportunity.
This uncomfortable self-promotion worked in some capacity, landing a number of interviews with a few different entities. That was great and I thought that I’d find my way onto a path to continue my career. Unfortunately, despite going multiple rounds with multiple entities, I have yet to field a job offer. At one such place, I had SIX separate interviews over the span of nearly three months before they fully moved on from my candidacy. I knew it wouldn’t be easy with my atypical background, but having interest like that at first only for it to falter is a gut-punch, especially when you’re so hungry for any opportunity to prove yourself. It makes you question what you’re doing wrong, even if you’re confident that you would be a real difference-maker if anyone were to take a chance on you.
To get through all of this uncertainty and constant anxiety of not knowing what’s next, mindset has been key. Things like, “rejection is redirection,” and, “only way out is through,” are mantras to keep the headspace positive. On my worst days, I take a thin Sharpie and write the letters, “HU KMF,” on my wrist.
Head Up. Keep Moving Forward.
I’m not one for tattoos, really, but if I keep doing it…
On top of the positive mantras is doing anything to keep the mind occupied. In my specific case, I still have my YouTube channel that I could work on after my healthy decompression period from it. I eased into researching, writing, and editing a large project over a span of two months; the 15-year anniversary for the Joplin EF5. It was the right topic to come back with; a project that I could just sink myself into and write with no regard for intentional YouTube optimization. The end result was an over 40 minute documentary that felt fresh and one resonated with a broad audience, which was a nice bonus that brought some much needed confidence after some really low moments. I’m now working on another weather documentary project that’ll probably have not nearly the same broad audience reception, but its serving a purpose of both providing meaningful coverage and keeping my idle time stimulated (plus further building my portfolio… all for some healthy productivity).
By far the most effective tool for staying sane through all of this is hard cardio. I was never much of a runner before graduating college, but it has been part of my routine for years now. In 2026, running has become more of lifeline, if anything. I don’t do major distances, usually just 3-4 miles, but it's those morning miles that keep me from spiraling. The post-run effects is how I’d imagine an antidepressant works. I never regret going for a run as the endorphins it releases and overall sense of accomplishment is the trendsetter for the rest of the day.
These five months have certainly been really hard and will be a period of life that I’ll likely not look back upon fondly, but in the long run, being able to say I persevered is strong motivation for now to keep searching for my next path.